As soon as children are born, it is our responsibility as parents to nurture and teach them, so that they will eventually grow into independent, caring adults.
I am fortunate to be the proud mum of two lovely daughters who have grown up to be just that.
No one prepares you to be a mum, it is something you generally learn through trial and error, usually suffering a lot of sleepless nights, tears and sweats as you cope with the varying challenges and worries as the children grow up. Despite this, there is nothing more rewarding than the joy, happiness and love that being a mum brings. No one also, prepares you for the day when you have to let go, as your children leave the nest to become the independent caring adults that you have been nurturing and training them to be.
When my eldest daughter went to university five years ago, she was already independent to a point as she was always determined to do what she wanted. This made her ready to leave home and in return it prepared me for her leaving. In fact, I was filled with excitement for her and I did not feel any of the sadness or worries that other mums in the same situation as me, were experiencing. This was not because I was happy to see my daughter leave, as I missed having her around, but I knew I had to let her go so she could grow and develop and discover for herself her true purpose in life.
As my girls were growing up I learned the value of giving them space, by respecting their privacy so that they could make their own decisions and learn by making their own mistakes. I also give my girls lots of love and I am always willing to listen to them, advising when needed without being too domineering (I hope!). Both of my daughters know that I am here ready to offer whatever support is needed.
Letting go of your children actually forms a healthier, more trusting, loving and closer relationship with them. I have been fortunate to have experienced this as my eldest daughter fled the nest and left home. She has never returned home to live, as she values her independence and enjoys life to the full. She has grasped all the opportunities that have come her way, resulting in doing well at university, having fantastic experiences of travelling to and working in different countries, and succeeding in a good career. I am very proud of her and grateful for the special bond that we share and for all the lovely moments we spend together.
A couple of weeks ago I waved goodbye to her again, as she headed off on an adventure to follow her passion and live in Paris. This passion only presented itself to her a few months ago, when she was travelling in Europe with a friend. Her friend is from Brazil, but she can speak English and French fluently. When staying with family friends of her Brazilian friend in Switzerland, who were French speaking, it made my daughter feel embarrassed that she could only understand English. However, one day, they all went to visit a French village which my daughter instantly fell in love with and she knew then that she had to go and live in France, and learn how to speak French.
It’s strange how opportunities fall into place, as when my daughter’s rental on her flat was coming to an end, and her flat mate was moving back home, her Brazilian friend was going to Paris to study for a month, and she asked my daughter to go with her. My daughter grasped the opportunity and handed in her notice with her employer so that she could go to Paris. With the help of her friend, her aim was to try and find work there, get to grips with some of the French language, and hopefully settle there.
This time I found saying goodbye to her was not easy. My heart felt so empty leaving her at the airport, and returning home to see all her life’s belongings, which she had left behind cluttering up the house, left me feeling sad and lost.
The house seemed strange and quiet which added to my sadness. I could not understand why I felt like this, as I have said goodbye to her numerous times over the last five years, and I am used to her not being around.
This empty feeling could be due to anxiety, for my daughter does not have a secure plan in place which she has always had in the past. Also, even though my youngest daughter is still living at home, she too is not around as much as she used to be. She works really hard and long hours as a health care assistant, but on her days off she enjoys life to the full, spending most of the time with her boyfriend. While I miss my youngest daughter’s company, and the special bond we share, it is lovely to watch her blossom and grow into the caring independent lady she is. This is probably preparing me for when she too leaves home for good. In the meantime, it feels as if I have suddenly said goodbye to both my daughters at the same time, and it seems as if the chatter, laughter and fun has disappeared from our home.
Such thoughts are purely selfish, though nearly every parent experiences this feeling of loss, when they see their children reach independence. We all have our own journey in life, taking different paths on our way. Life is entwined with loss, as we say goodbye to our children many times. We lose them as babies, then as toddlers, then infants and so on, as they are always being made anew and yet they remain the children who we love with all our hearts unconditionally.
We must let go every time, and our children will one day have to learn to let go of their own children. Transience is what makes life beautiful and worth living. Life is loss and letting go, for without it, life would be valueless.
We mourn our children leaving, as they are loved more than anything we have loved in our lives. Maybe we also mourn the passing of a role in ourselves as protectors, and the need to be needed. Seeing our children leave home and gain their independence can also, make us aware of our own mortality. One day our children will have to let go as their parents pass out of this life.
I think my husband and I have succeeded in bringing our daughters up to be caring independent young ladies. It is lovely to see my youngest daughter grow from a shy girl into the confident happy person she is today. She continues to blossom as she journeys towards her purpose in life. I will have to let go completely soon, and although I will be sad I will also rejoice as she follows her heart and her path in life. I have no doubt that she will be successful in fulfilling her dreams.
I am full of admiration for my eldest daughter, as she has had the courage to follow her heart, even though it meant taking a leap out of her comfort zone into the unknown. Life is too short not to take the opportunities that come our way. We will only live to regret them later on in life. Once that leap is taken, it is surprising how things seem to come together, sometimes even better than planned. It does not matter if we fail, as we learn by our mistakes and become stronger and better people.
Some people may think my daughter is mad or others may think that she is lost, searching for happiness. It does not matter what others think, as she is being true to herself by following her heart and her own path in life. She is happy and full of anticipated excitement as she takes every step of her uncertain but exhilarating journey. I am confident that she will be successful in finding her purpose in life, and I wish her all the best.
I do not know where the years have gone since my girls were small, but I have so many fond memories which I will treasure. I know that I am not losing my daughters by letting them go, as I am blessed because the bond between us has grown stronger and even more special. We are a close family and the girls are good friends as well as sisters. They know their mum and dad will be here for them, and I know there will be many times that we are all together, so there will be chatter, laughter and fun again. I will savour and treasure these times as precious moments. All I wish for, is that they both are healthy, happy, successful and safe. I will always be with them in spirit and they will always be in my heart.
Thank you girls for all the endless joy, happiness, fun and love that you give me.
I am so proud of you both and love you lots and lots xxx.
If you’d like to read my eldest daughter’s blog about her French venture there is a link below